


In the Aftermath

by dramady, jeck



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Adam Lambert fandom, American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician), Kris Allen Fandom, kradam - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-14
Updated: 2010-06-14
Packaged: 2017-10-10 03:02:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/94749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramady/pseuds/dramady, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeck/pseuds/jeck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was good, until it wasn't. Then it was bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** This is a non-profit, non-commercial work of fiction using the names and likenesses of real individuals. This fictional story is not intended to imply that the events herein actually occurred, or that the attitudes or behaviors described are engaged in or condoned by the real persons whose names are used without permission.

_January 30, 2011.  
Nabu nightclub_

The music was loud, bass thudding against the wall; the club packed, some people dancing, others talking in tight clumps so they could be heard. Lights flickered and pulsed. It was late but very few people were leaving. Adam was by the door, though, just in case and he looked over in time to see Kris. He was unaware he put a hand over his chest. "... I didn't think you were coming."

"I wasn't, but..." Kris tilted his head up and looked at Adam. More like stared because it had been a while. There was a heavy weight in his chest and he thought for a brief moment that he wasn't going to make it through talking to Adam before his chest tightened up that he wouldn't remember to breathe.

Kris sighed and shoved a small box toward Adam. "Happy birthday." _In and out. Breath in and out, Allen_, Kris had to remind himself.

"... you didn't have to get me anything," Adam said, though he now held the box between his hands. "... thanks. Um. When did you get here? I didn't see you."

Kris shrugged his shoulder slowly, looking around at the many once familiar and some new, unfamiliar faces. "Few minutes." He really wasn't going to come. Even after he had told Adam in a tweet that he'd see him. Kris didn't want to come. But there he was, unable to resist, unable to completely turn his back away.

He put his drink up and managed a small smile. "First one." Of many, Kris assumed. He was going to need them.

But Adam didn't smile back. He looked down at the present, then up at Kris. " Well, thanks for coming," he said, and he looked away.

~~

_Feb 13, 2009  
New York City - Hilton Hotel_

"I can't believe you flew straight here from Singapore!" Adam said as he set down his bag and gathered Kris up into a hug. "How crazy! You must be exhausted!" They had a few minutes alone before they needed to be surrounded by people. "Are you okay?"

Kris was okay now. He gave Adam a small tired smile, not pulling away from the hug and found that he had completely missed feeling Adam this close. "I'm good." Now. "I'm real good." Kris pulled Adam down, and he kissed him because it had been _so long_. They'd been so busy, Adam especially, running around all over the world and the country.

"You should go," Kris said, though reluctant to step back. "I'll be here." Kris was getting too tired to talk and think. "You have press. Can't make 'em wait."

"I want to stay here with you, though." Adam cupped his cheek and smiled. "You're all stubbly and five-o'clock shadowy. Did you get any sleep on the plane? I have a few minutes before I have to go. I missed you like crazy, you know." And he bent down for another kiss.

"I'm a walking zombie," Kris grinned, licking his lips, tasting Adam and he craved more. "'m not really good company. Didn't sleep on the plane; couldn't." Too excited to see Adam but Kris didn't say that. He though he didn't need to. "I don't wanna fall asleep on you."

"Poor baby." Arm still around his shoulders, Adam led Kris to the big bed in the room that adjoined his and he urged him down on the bed. "Nap, okay? I'll cover for you. Then I'll come back. And I'll wake you up," he said with a grin that Kris was only recently the recipient of; flirty and just a hint more evil.

Kris had his feet hanging off the side of the bed to kick off his shoes and almost instantly he was curled up on his side with a hand reaching for Adam. His smile was still tired but brighter. "Wake me up and bring food." He laughed softly, own eyes darkening at the look in Adam's, his stomach doing a flip because of anticipation, expectation. "I really did miss you."

"Not as much as I missed you." Bending down, Adam kissed Kris's forehead, his cheeks and finally his mouth before pulling away. "I'll be back soon. I love you, baby." And with that, he was gone.

Kris stared at the door that Adam disappeared through, a small, thoughtful smile on his face. Adam loved him. And that was the last though in his head when Kris finally shut his eyes. It was also the first thought in his mind when he felt a presence in the room.

His eyes were still heavy as he blinked them open. The room was dark now, too, that he had to wait for his eyes to adjust. Kris pushed up slightly, groaning at the way his body felt stiff. Softly, he called out, "Adam? That you?"

"No, it's room service," came the answer, but Adam's laugh gave him away. He sat down on the bed and set a bag down too. "I brought you food. I made Lane go out and find something Chik-Fil-A-ish, even. I think she hates me. How are you feeling?"

"She's gonna hate me, too." Kris pushed up, sitting down, smiling sleepily at Adam. "Chik-Fil-A, huh? I really love you right now, you know that?" Even Kris's voice was low and ragged, still sounding like he flew several thousand miles for almost a day. "How was it?" The press thing he meant.

"Oh, fine, you know. 'How is it to be reunited?' That kind of thing. Over and over. And over." But Adam was smiling as he pulled fries and a sandwich out of the bag. "Eat, huh? Should I get you some aspirin or something?"

"Glad I missed it," Kris teased, "I hate talkin' in a loop." He reached not for the sandwich but Adam's hand, wrapping around his wrist, pulling him down. "And how is it to be reunited?" The real answer, not the practiced one, was what Kris meant this time, as he looked deep in Adam's eyes.

"It's amazing to be back together with these guys," Adam said, grinning and glib. "I mean, I love Kris and Allison." But he was leaning in, bracing his weight on his other hand as he got closer. "But I especially love Kris."

It was almost magnetic, the way Kris leaned forward, too, smiling then whispering, "Kris, huh? Nothin' special 'bout him." He grinned wider, just as their lips touched and it was like coming home. God. Kris could feel his breath hitch and his heart beat a lot harder, louder, eyes closing and then he hooked a hand behind Adam's head, keeping him there while their kiss deepened.

"There's a lot that's special about Kris Allen. I'll have to give you the long list." Later, though. Much later.

~~

_Christmas Eve, 2010  
Los Angeles_

A box showed up at Kris's doorway. When he picked it up, he could see the note. _I got this for you before the split and just figured I would send it anyway. I hope you have a great Christmas. Love, Adam_. The box was wrapped in silver paper; Adam didn't wrap it, clearly.

As he held the box in his hand, Kris found himself just staring, standing there with the door still open, a finger tracing the words on the note.

_Love, Adam_.

Memories flickered in his mind, his brows drawing together, then he slowly shook his head. Love wasn't enough. I just never seemed to be enough.

It was a while when he finally realized that he was still outside, walking in and then Kris sat down in his quiet, empty living room. It would be a few hours of him sitting there staring at the words before he finally opened the box. The smile managed its way out as he stared down inside and the CD with its autograph staring him right in the face. Michael Jackson. The ultimate artist that Kris idolized and he knew this wasn't an easy item to find.

"Adam," Kris whispered, pulling his feet up, folding into himself to fit in the small chair. The smile he had upon opening the present had already faded and a loud sob took its place; there was no stopping it. Kris's chest felt too tight, he couldn't breathe, his eyes springing tears he couldn't stop. His emotions felt like an open wound, bleeding, the pain sharp and stinging.

"Adam..." His voice broke the silence and then it was the sound of quietly hitched sobs while Kris curled up even small in the chair.

~~

_January, 2011  
The Grammys_

There was no way avoiding it when it was events like today. Kris already hated these things to begin with and hated it even more that he was required, forced, almost, to go. He hardly made an effort to get dressed and fixed up. Just a suit which was not so bad, tightly fitting, his hair gelled up and his face scrubbed bright and clean with no scruff on his chin.

He hated red carpets, too. Walking that line and getting pictures of him taken was always awkward and add to that most people didn't even remember his name. He didn't mind that much, to be honest, but that didn't make things any easier.

Once inside Kris headed straight for the bar. A drink. Just one. To calm the nerves and to ease the discomfort of being completely out of his element. Once at the bar he gave a second drink order quickly following the first. This was because there was a bigger possibility of running into Adam here. He downed both, one after the other and he stood there waiting for that alcohol to kick in. Kris knew he needed it.

There was a bustle of sound behind him and someone pushing their way to the bar. Then Kris recognized Adam's voice as he ordered a Grey Goose martini.

There was a sudden throbbing at his temple and Kris had to shut his eyes and blow a breath. His face already felt flushed from downing his drink and the knowledge that Adam was there made it feel a lot more warmer. He took a step forward, wanting to be as far away as he could from the bar. He took another step and hoped that Adam didn't recognize him, that he wouldn't even notice.

There were so many people there, that Adam turned to look right at Kris. "... hi." The noise was loud around him, but Kris could hear him.

Crap! He squeezed a breath out and then slowly he smiled. "Hey." No getting away from this now, Kris thought, too late to run, he turned to face Adam. "You look good." Because Adam always did.

"So do you," Adam said and he turned away, then back. "I ... I have to go ... Performing." But he stared, eyes wide and dark. He reached out just at once, and squeezed Kris's hand. "I'll see you. Take care, okay?"

Kris pressed his lips together, nodding mutely, trying to look away but at the same time he was too drawn to actually do it. He met Adam's eyes and forced his throat to work. "I'll see you. Good luck." His hand felt too warm suddenly, Adam's touch heavy, lingering even when he already pulled his hand away. Then Adam was gone.

~~

_September 15, 2009  
Manchester NH_

"I have Silly String _everywhere_!" Adam exclaimed, laughing. "And I gave everything away. Everything. And I think I'm going to cry. How stupid is that?" Everyone was quiet back stage.

Kris reached out and tugged at a silly string stuck in Adam's hair. He was chuckling, his grin wide but around his eyes there was a darkness there. "You look good in Silly String. And I think I looked good in your jacket. I might wanna keep that if you're giving everything away." The smile Kris gave Adam was warm, fond.

"Katie and Jonny would kill me if you'd thrown that into the audience, you goof. And it's huge on you." But Adam tugged Kris close, hugging and swaying with him. "I'm gonna miss this. So much."

He tipped on his toes and manged to keep his voice low. "I'm going to miss you." And maybe his breath hitched a little when he said that, too. Kris hugged Adam tighter.

"I'm going to miss you too," Adam told him. "But you'll be in LA, right? We can see each other all the time. We can get together. And stuff ... " Though they both knew how busy they would be. "We can make time. That's all there is to it."

Kris nodded his head where his face was buried on Adam's shoulder. "You gotta wait til I move. It'll be a while but--" He sighed deeply, breathing Adam in. "Wait for me?"

"I'm not leaving LA - I'll be there when you get there, baby." Adam kissed Kris's hair. "Don't be sad. Be happy. This is our dream come true time, right?"

"Okay." Kris pulled back and managed a small smile. "You're right." Because Adam was always right. "I just ... can't wait. I want to be there with you now." He reluctantly pushed away. "C'mon. We gotta go see everyone else."

"I'm even going to miss being on that heinous bus," Adam laughed as he threw his arm around Kris's shoulders and they headed for the afterparty. "That tells you I must be crazy."

"Liar. You are _not_ going to miss that bus." Kris laughed, wrapping an arm around Adam's side, heading out to what would now be another kind of life.

~~

_Los Angeles during American Idol Top 36, 2009_

Kris arrived and went through the doors with a suitcase, his guitar and his messenger bag strapped across his shoulders. He stopped and looked around, two beds, one already made up with and there were suitcases occupying every other available space on that side of the room. He heard humming coming from the adjoining bathroom and then he walked in, closing the door. He put his gear by the foot of the unmade bed and peered in. "Hey." He smiled just as another guy walked back in the room. Kris was sure he gaped a bit.

He'd seen him around and heard him sing but up close was completely different than what he had expected. The guy was in all black, high boots, leather and silver cuffs and bracelets and enough necklaces that probably added a good few pounds to his weight. His hair was very black and streaked with blue, eyes, too and they look like they shimmered. Shimmered! Kris had never seen anyone quite like him before.

"I'm, uh, Kris." He pushed his hand out on offer, smiling, glad he was able to manage to form words. His roommate was, well, _different_ but he was also _beautiful_. Kris was too startled both at how Adam looked and how he himself reacted that maybe he was staring just a bit too long. "I'm your roommate," Kris added, in case there was a doubt what he was doing here.

"I know. I'm Adam," and Adam shook his hand with a grin. "Sorry about all my things. I pack heavy. I _did_ leave you a little bit of space in the bathroom though. Just ... if you want to use something of mine, ask first?" But his grin was sunny. "So here we are."

"Yeah. Here we are," Kris pulled his bag from his shoulder and he dropped that on the bed, following it by sinking at the edge, leaning back, eyes still drawn toward Adam. "I don't need a lot of space, man. I don't think I'll be here long." Kris shrugged and he believed that, too.

"What? You think you're ... what, going to get kicked out right away?" Adam looked surprised as he came over to sit beside Kris, his snakeskin boots very different from Kris's sneakers. "What makes you say that?"

Kris made some indiscernible sound, shrugging again, twisting a little to better look at Adam. "I dunno. I'mma try my best and that's all I could do. But you've heard 'em all out there. Too many good singers, y'know? It's gonna be tough."

"You make it sound like you're not a good singer." Adam's grin was crooked. "How would you be here if you weren't good, too?"

"Luck, maybe?" Kris grinned. "It's my last chance at this. I work hard. I try harder. And I play the guitar." Kris grinned brighter at that. "Not that its an advantage but it helps me. I'm always with my guitar. Playing helps keep me zen, man. What about you? You play anything?"

"Just my voice and the field," Adam laughed. "Seriously, just a singer. I admire guitar players. Plus you do seem very zen. I think they put us together because I am not at all zen."

Kris laughed. "You're ... nuts." He shook his head and then he crawled behind Adam to get to his guitar leaning by the bed. "That's my cue to play, huh? Keep you zen." He unzipped his guitar from the soft case and then still sitting there side by side, Kris put his guitar on his lap and started strumming. "Now gimme a song and lemme see if I can play it a'right?" Guy was cool; he'd give him that.

"Give you a song, any song? Okay, um ... " And Adam grinned huge. "Queen. We are the Champions."

"Sheesh, man. You don't exactly start me off easy, huh?" Kris grinned but then he started playing.

The rest of the night was spent with more guitar strumming softly and more singing, there was laughter too and a long talk of even more things music.

~~

_October 2010  
Los Angeles_

Kris zipped up his guitar with a bit of force that the sound echoed in the room. He shoved things in his messenger bag, too, not even paying attention to what it was he was putting in it. He remained quietly seething, eyes narrowed, his lips in a thin line. He threw his bag over his shoulder and his guitar he dragged out of the room and trying to ignore Adam who was still standing there.

"You're not going to say anything?" Adam asked, arms crossed over his chest. "You're just going to walk out without saying a word? Real mature, Kris. Real mature."

With his back to Adam, Kris closed his eyes and blew out a quiet breath to calm himself. "What do you want me to say?" He looked over his shoulders, brows drawn. "You made up your mind it's not like I can stop you." He ran a hand through his hair, airing his frustration that way. "A world tour -- that's a long time." Without each other and it was eating away at Kris.

"What am I supposed to say?! No, I don't want to tour around the world? Give me a break!" Adam threw up his hands. "You want me here at your beck and call? Is that how this is supposed to work? I mean, I know I said I'd be in LA, but I meant that I'd live here, not that I'd never leave LA, like, _ever_. It doesn't work like that, Kris."

"That's not it," Kris whipped around. "You could've said something to me before you decided." And he looked like a kicked puppy when he said that, too. Kris was more hurt than angry anyway. "It's not like I'll stop you."

Part of him was a little resentful, too, at Adam's success, at the attention especially in the management level where they take him seriously and then they treat Kris like some flash in the pan no matter how hard he was working. This among other things and he hated himself for it; abhorred his own feelings about it.

"There wasn't anything to _think_ about, Kris! A tour is a tour, okay?!" And Adam, being Adam, honed right in on the sore point. "I'm sorry that they're not promoting you like they're promoting me, okay? I'm sorry about that. But there's nothing I can _do_."

It was pointless to discuss this. What was done was done and Kris would have to remain unhappy about it. "Just -- give me some time to get the idea in my head, a'right?" His voice was strained and he blamed the way his chest felt so constricted that made it difficult to breathe. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"Yeah, okay," Adam whispered, turning away. "Fine." He went back to the bedroom to keep packing.

~~

_Christmas 2009  
Los Angeles_

"So, I know you said it would take you a long time to get to LA, but ... any chance you can get here soon?" Adam's laugh is musical over the phone line. "I miss you! Which is crazy, I know, but I've seen all the pictures of you at all the Jingle Balls, and I'm like 'why isn't he in LA?'"

"Stop googlin' me!" Kris laughed right into his bluetooth hooked to his ear. "I gotta work. Just like you have to." The grin he had on his face was wide, bright, a light in his eyes as he turned the corner while driving in his car. "I miss you, too. Whatcha doing' now?' Kris bit back the chuckle because he was awfully close to where Adam was. It was Christmas and even if Adam didn't celebrate the darned holiday, they were going to celebrate this one _together_.

"I'm at home and I'm getting Chinese delivered and I was thinking about you so I called you! Are you going to Arkansas for Christmas? Having that southern home cooking where your mom feeds you and you tweet about having too much to eat?"

"I dunno," Kris answered, "The food's too good and I end up eating too much. I don't think you'd want a fat boyfriend, huh?" He chuckled as he parked the car a house away, picking up the wrapped box from the passenger seat and then Kris was walking to Adam's door. "Seriously? I'm kinda craving Chinese right now." He grinned wide and then pushed the button to the doorbell.

"What? Hold on, there's someone at the door," Adam told him and Kris could hear the footfalls coming up to the front door, then hear and see it open.

"Oh my GOD!" Adam still held the phone to his ear, even if he was staring right at Kris. "You're here!"

Kris opened his arms up and then grinned. "I'm here." He looked a little smug, too right before walking inside and shutting the door and then he was pressed to Adam's chest, arms around him and Kris stayed right there for as long as Adam let him.

"So..." he spoke against Adam's chest. "When's that Chinese gonna get here?" Kris grinned right as he tilted his face up.

"It should be here in a minute! I should've ordered more! You're _here_," Adam said again, rocking Kris a little. "I can't believe it. I missed you!"

It was like Kris fit right there tucked against Adam and it always, since the first time they hugged, felt this way. Perfect.

"I'm here. Good thing, too cos you're gonna sulk and you're gonna be all mopey and pouty while I talk to you on the phone from my parent's house. It'll get worse, too, when my Mom talks to you and you ask her what she made for Christmas dinner and then you'll ask if I ate and if I'm okay ... blahblah..." Kris then reached up and cupped Adam's face in his hands and even with a teasing grin still on his face he said, "I want to be with you that's why I'm here."

"Sounds like you have it all figured out," Adam said with a soft grin. "When did you get so smart, huh?" But he didn't give Kris time to answer, instead, cupping his chin to kiss him, soft, short kisses at first, that gave over to deeper ones in short order.

"I'm not an idiot, y'know?" Kris managed between kisses and then there was no other choice but to give in and let the kiss intensify while his arms tightened around Adam. The ring of the doorbell made Kris whimper, making a small impatient sound following that, still with his face tilted up and his feet pushed up on his toes. The Chinese food could wait.

But not that long! Adam kept Kris tucked up against his side as he answered the doors, handed Kris the bags and paid the delivery guy. "Thank you!" Then the door was shut again and Adam was pulling Kris inside. "You got me the best present ever. You got me _you_."

"Yeah. Cos getting you me is cheaper. You're pretty high maintenance you know?" Kris was teasing, tipping on his toes to kiss Adam and then he pulled away, taking Adam's hand and then they walked toward the kitchen. "So, what'd you get me?" He cut a teasing glance at Adam again before opening the bag and fishing out the containers.

"If I'd _known you were coming_, I would've gotten your favorite, but I didn't! So I got mine. Garlic shrimp." Adam was smiling as opened the containers. "But I got lots of egg rolls. I was going to drown my sorrows and loneliness. I guess I'll have to share now."

"Drown your loneliness and sorrow in garlic shrimp?" He rolled his eyes at Adam and then mimicked Simon, "You're so theatrical." But he handed over the chopsticks after pulling it off the paper and breaking it apart. "If I know you, there are cookies and ice cream in here cos you drown yourself in that, too."

"Are you kidding? I'm still trying to lose my Idol weight." But Adam took the chopsticks, dug them into the shrimp and pulled one out. He almost ate it before holding it out to Kris instead. "Wanna help me exercise it off?" He waggled his eyebrows.

Kris caught Adam's wrists and he looked him in the eye, his own darkening, his smile a lot more sly. He turned Adam's wrist around and guided it back to his mouth instead. "You should eat up ... cos I think we'd be exercising ... _a lot_."

"Mmm, I like the sound of that," Adam told him, grinning. And he chewed the shrimp slowly, eyes hot on Kris's face.

Adam knew exactly what he was doing to Kris because there was no way he was chewing slow like that and making Kris look at his _mouth_, those _lips_. Those eyes, too, and the way they're looking at him Yeah. That was deliberate Kris was sure. "Me too. But I think there are other sounds I want to hear." Like Adam moaning. God.

Half of Adam's mouth rose in a smirk. "You've gotten so _dirty_, baby." In one hand, he gathered up the shrimp and the bag with the eggrolls in it, and he got Kris's hand with the other and started to pull him through the house to the bedroom.

"And who's fault is that?" Kris followed after Adam with a smirk on his face, watching that fine ass sway that he was momentarily mesmerized. "You were the one who insisted I watch your porn collection, a'right?"

"Research. You were a virgin, in case you so quickly forgot. I had to educate you." Pulling him up the stairs, Adam didn't even turn around. "I didn't expect you to be such a fast learner."

"Hey! I wasn't _that_ kind of virgin, okay?" Kris was still staring at Adam's ass. Hard not to when it was right there in front of his face, so, he swats it. "You're a good teacher, too." And he really meant that; no teasing.

"You were a gay-sex virgin, don't even try to tell me you weren't," Adam told him, laughing. "Ouch! I bruise you know." In the bedroom, though, he set down the food and pulled Kris close again. "Have I mentioned that I missed you?"

"Don't mind hearin' that again." Kris tilted his face up, arms around Adam. "And you can keep telling me you love me, too. That's always a good one." His fingers touched Adam's cheek. "Or kiss me cos that works, too." God. Kris really missed Adam and he pulled him down and kissed him, his other hand slipping right under Adam's shirt touching the warm skin of his back.

Kris could feel as much as hear Adam's laugh when their mouths met. He put his arms around Kris's shoulders and pulled him flush. "Merry Christmas, baby," he whispered before kissing him again.

"Yeah," Kris's hand slid up Adam's back, his shirt riding up with it as he smiled, eyes dark, "_now_ it's a merry Christmas."

~~

_November 2010,  
Los Angeles_

"Did you _have_ to kiss him?" Kris was still frowning, having gone to Adam's first concert after his second album. "I know, I know!" He threw his hands up. "Spirit of Rock and Roll and all that but..." He knew about onstage shenanigans, seen the pictures even but this was the first time he'd witnessed it and Kris? He didn't much like it.

"It was part of the performance, Kris. It wasn't like it _meant_ anything!" Adam was pulling at his sweaty clothes, looking at himself in the mirror. "It wasn't like kissing you, if that's what you were worried about."

Kris kind of just gaped at Adam and stayed that way with his mouth hanging open for a long time. "You're kidding, right? Did you _see_ how you kissed him?" Adam had never before kissed Kris like that. Ever. It was ... dominating, possessive, aggressive. It was hot if only it wasn't _his boyfriend_ doing it. Something in his gut twisted at that thought.

Slowly, Adam turned around. "... are you jealous?" he asked, both eyebrows up. "You're jealous. Of something I did _on stage_ with thousands of people watching? That didn't _matter_?!"

"It's - I'm not --!" Kris frowned again and then he pointed at Adam. "It's not the kiss. It's ... It's..." Damn it! Why couldn't he get the words out. "It's not that you kissed him, a'right. It's _how_!" Already, Kris's chest was heaving, his heart beat loud as it pounded in his chest.

Adam cocked his head to the side and looked at Kris long and steady, clearly thinking. Then he was moving, really quickly, shoving Kris back against the wall hard enough to knock the breath from his lungs and he pinned him there with his body. One hand slapped against the wall, the other caught Kris's chin and tugged it up. Then he kissed him, just like he'd kissed Tommy on stage, mouth covering Kris's so much as to make it hard for him to _breathe_.

Kris hit his head against the wall and was momentarily startled, but then he fought back, pushing against Adam's chest but then there was no longer any force behind it. Not when Adam was kissing him in a way that Kris had never felt before. His knees had gone weak and his hands that pushed on Adam's chest now clenched at his shirt, fisting the material and then he was kissing _back_, even pulling Adam down right before Kris _whimpered_.

A moment later, Adam pulled back, his hand in the middle of Kris's chest to steady him as Adam stepped away. "Is that what you wanted, Kris? Was it all you'd hoped it would be? I thought we were different. I thought ... " And he shook his head. "I don't know what I thought." And with that, he walked away, back to the other door to where he could change clothes.

Kris couldn't move. He leaned against the wall staring at the door Adam disappeared off to and then he ran a hand through his hair, his lips still tingling, still warm, still with Adam's taste. Then he stalked over to the room, still breathing hard, still nerves frazzled. Kris stared at Adam, followed his every move. "Maybe," Kris started, his voice low, shaky, "we are different." Too different.

"Oh yeah?" Adam voice was tired sounding as he pulled off costume pieces to hang back up for the costumer to deal with. "How so?"

"I can't do what you do. I mean it was fine when I didn't see it. When I see pictures and think, you just kissed your bassist for the talk, the fans. But tonight --" Kris frowned, looked down, then away, shaking his head. "I don't know..."

"If you don't know, Kris, then you don't trust me." Adam shrugged, not looking over his shoulder as he pulled a t-shirt on. "And if you can't trust me, then ... I don't know what we're even doing."

Trust. Kris trusted Adam. He did. He was just ... _jealous_. He stepped forward and held on to Adam's arm, turning him gently around so that they were face to face. "How would you feel, if I did something like that? Kiss Cale maybe? Kiss him just like you kissed me?"

"I wouldn't _care_ because one, if you did that, that would just be _weird_, okay? And two," Adam said, shaking his head. "I know it wouldn't _mean_ anything. That's all, Kris. What am I supposed to say?"

"It would be weird because it's me. That's what I mean by us being different." Kris's hand lingered on Adam's arm. "I was - am - jealous. Okay? That's what you want to hear, right. So I'm telling you now. Seeing you kiss him made me jealous." There. He said it and it wasn't easy ... now with that big ball of weight that didn't want to leave his chest.

"So what am I supposed to do about that?" Adam asked, though softly. "What am I supposed to think? Do you want me to not do that stuff? That's _me_, Kris. It's who I am. Are you asking me to not do things like that?"

Kris shook his head. "No. I'm not asking you to ... to change." He took a step forward, sliding his hand down to catch Adam's, twine their fingers together. "I overreacted. I still didn't like it. But that's me..."

"You have a halla temper, Kris Allen," Adam told him, head cocked. "You ... are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, well..." Kris shrugged his shoulder and then he tugged on their joined hands, pulling Adam to his chest. "I'll be okay." He tilted his face up to look at Adam though Kris's expression still looked as if he was fighting an internal battle. "Are we..? Okay?"

There was a pause before Adam did anything, but he nodded. "We're fine." He held Kris's face in his hands again and kissed him. But not like he had on stage.

Which was fine by Kris because this kiss, he knew. He kissed back and wrapped an arm around Adam, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss in a way they had always done. "I'm sorry," Kris said, touching Adam's cheek, pulling back and looking in his eyes. "Sorry."

"Quit saying it. Let me change and we'll go home, okay?" But Adam's grin was wry. "I'll show you stuff that _nobody_ else gets to see."

Kris's brow rose just as he stepped back to give Adam more space. "Are you serious?" Not that he doubted it. Not with that look on Adam's face. "A'right." Kris slowly smiled. "Am I allowed to ask what kind of stuff?"

"Nope." But Adam was smirking as he went back to change his clothes. "You aren't. You'll just have to wait."

Kris hoped that things were really better now even after his outburst. "A'right, a'right. I get it. I have to be patient." Kris could do patient. "Anyplace you wanna swing by before we go home?"

"No." Adam hung up his concert clothes and put on jeans and a t-shirt. He came over to stand in front of Kris as he pulled on his jacket. "I want to go home. With you."

Something flipped in his gut and Kris looked up at Adam and he smiled, warmer, more mellow. "C'mon." Kris took Adam's bag and then he took his hand. "We're goin' home."

At home was where Adam spent a good deal of time showing Kris exactly as he promised, things no one got to see, things that Kris was the only lucky guy to experience that made him forget all about that damned kiss and being jealous.

~~

_December 1, 2010  
LA/New York_

Kris wasn't sure when it happened, exactly. When they started drifting further and further away. Maybe it was the constant barraging of reporters asking Kris about Adam, what he thinks of what Adam said, what he did, what he had for breakfast that was why he was in the public eye was clearly, clearly forgotten. He didn't even care he wasn't regarded much as the winner of American Idol but he did care about his albums and his music and that was the one that everybody else forgot most.

These were things that constantly happened. Things that began to slowly crawl and embed themselves deep into Kris's mind and had become a constant presence that it had been harder and harder to ignore, to push away.

As easy going as Kris was, he was a thinker, a worrier, and he had a temper to boot. He was almost in a perpetual state of stress and anger and jealousy. He didn't want to but all of it was too much for anyone to take.

It had been one of those meetings with the suits about his plans to go on tour. His latest album was doing well, but not as well as they wanted. Kind of hard if he wasn't promoted, right? But Kris kept that to himself and let other people speak for him. He was the artist, his job was to make the music. Everything else was someone else's business. He hated that.

Coming home from one of these meetings he dropped his guitar case on the sofa and sat on the chair next to it. Kris laid his head on the low seat back and he closed his eyes with a deep sigh. Then his cell phone rang and on the iPhone was Adam's picture.

One guess as to who was calling.

Kris answered, his voice soft, low but a near groan. "Hey." He still had his head back and his eyes were still closed. "Where are you?"

"Ummmm. New York? What's wrong?"

"Why aren't you here?" Kris's voice was exhausted and his forehead creased just as he let out an audible, slow sigh. "I need you here."

"Baby?" Kris could hear rustling on the other end of the phone; Adam moving around. " Baby, what's wrong. You know I can't be there right now; I have the things here. What's wrong?! Did something happen?!"

Another sigh, this one more impatient. "Nothing is happening. That's the problem." Kris blinked his eyes open and rubbed his face with the palm of his hand before running it up over his head, fingers pushing through his hair in frustration.

"What? What do you mean?" There was another sound of shuffling, then a hand over the phone and Kris could hear Adam talking to someone, probably Lane, though he couldn't understand what was being said. "Okay, back," Adam said a minute later. "What's going on, Kris?"

Another more forceful sigh left Kris's lips. He so wished Adam was here but then Adam always wasn't here. Too many appearances, shows, photo shoots. The list went on and on. "They're cutting my tour. Less cities, smaller venues. It's crap!" Kris was so frustrated he kicked his foot forward, hitting the coffee table and it skidded sideways, squeaking on the ground.

"What?! Why?!" Adam asked over the phone. "Did they give you a reason? Who told you this?! Who made this decision? Did you call Simon? Who's your agent talking to? Kris, you can't let them do that!"

"They can do whatever they want, Adam." He stood up and paced now, hand continually running through his hair. "I can't demand anything. You know that. They say I can't fill stadiums so to make money, they chose to do less dates and places. I do what they tell me to."

"But you should stand up for yourself! Seriously, who told you this? Give me their name and number, I need a pen." Kris could hear Adam shuffling around again, muttering to probably Lane, that he needed a pen. "Who is it. I'll call them."

"Adam..." Kris said his name like a warning. "Don't. You can't do anything. It's not like my album went multi-platinum." Like Adam's did. "That's the reason why it's like this..." His voice is softer, sounding defeated, frustration still evident around the edges.

"Kris - " Adam cut himself off, sighing. "Just ... shit." There was a pause and he sighed. "Just ... everyone who sees you knows how great you are, right? So... you do the dates until you can get a new contract and make your records and you keep your fan base. Right?"

"Yeah." Kris scrubbed his face with a hand. "That's the plan." He was tired. Tired of fighting with the suits, his management; it was like this constant uphill battle where he'd never see the end of. Even his creativity, his music was getting affected. Kris had not written a decent song in _months_. "So, when're you coming back?" Adam was like a constant craving lately and Kris really needed him around right now.

"Um, Thursday, I think? Right?" Kris heard Adam ask Lane. "Yeah. Thursday. I'll be home soon, baby. I promise, okay? Just ... try not to let those bastards get you down, okay?"

Thursday seemed a long way away. "A'right. I'll see you on Thursday." Another sigh and then Kris had to push back all the thoughts plaguing his mind. "So ...what'd you do today." He sat back down, laid his head back and then listened to Adam's voice.

"Like ... twelve interviews and a photo shoot and promo shots for something I don't even remember. I don't know. I'm really tired and I wish I could be home with you," Adam told him, and Kris could hear him settling on the bed of the hotel. "I smiled so much today my face hurts."

"Well when you get home you don't have to smile. You can look as grumpy as you want." Kris chuckled, relaxing some. "I can't wait for you to get home..."

"I'll see you soon, baby," Adam promised. "And I'll make you feel _so_ good, you won't remember your name."

~~

_December 10, 2010,  
Los Angeles_

Adam stood at the doorway as Kris climbed into his car, but he turned back into the house, door closing before Kris could pull away and follow the moving truck down the street. When Kris looked back at the house one last time, it looked, from the outside, to be empty.

~~

_May 2012  
American Idol season finale_

It was quiet backstage, but for the buzz of anxiety and anticipation. Kris was standing just off to the side of the wings, watching and he could feel Adam come up behind him. Don't ask him how - he knew it was Adam. He turned and looked up at him and Adam smiled, looking back.

"Weird being back here, isn't it?" Adam asked in a whisper.

Kris nodded, shrugging at the same time.

"You want to get a drink after the show?"

Eyes widening in surprise, Kris nodded, feeling his heart kind of thud in his chest.

"Good," Adam whispered. "It'll be good to see you again. Catch up." And he squeezed Kris's hand before disappearing into the shadows. After a moment, Kris went back to watching the show.

Later, they sat in the far corner of the Rooftop bar, looking out over LA and Adam was _laughing_, leaning in to squeeze Kris's knee and Kris told the story of Daniel's groom's cake 'incident.' And when they waited for their cars, Adam leaned in, kissing Kris's cheek. "It was so good to see you."

"Yeah. You too." And for once, Kris could say that and not feel the press of pain in his chest. "You goin' to the MTV awards thing?"

"Um ... " Adam grimaced. "I don't know, actually. I lose track of my schedule. Are you?"

"I was told I should," Kris answered, smirking. "Good for exposure."

"If I go, I can call or text you?" Adam asked, taking his keys from the valet and heading toward the driver's side of the Mustang. "We could," he said over the roof of the car, "go together, maybe?"

"... yeah. That'd be good." Smiling, Kris nodded. "Good for exposure," and he laughed.

Adam nodded and gave Kris a smile. "Night, Kris. I'll call you." He climbed into the Mustang and drove away just as the valet was pulling Kris's car up.

"Here are your keys, sir."

"Thanks," Kris said, tipping the guy. He climbed into his car and pulled away. Before he even got two blocks, his cell was ringing and he put it through the bluetooth in the car. "Hey," he said, his heart beating even faster.

"I said I'd call," Adam said, sounding rueful, laughing. "I'm calling."

"Yeah," Kris said with a smile that no one could see, but Adam could hear. "I noticed."


End file.
